Anyway, my choices were essentially:
1) Find another family
2) Stay rent free in an apartment in Antwerp owned by Joost's company for however long I wanted
3) Go home
I was supposed to go to West Flanders the following weekend with some of Tom's friends from Gent, so instead of waiting until Thursday to leave, I went to Gent that night. It suddenly felt very awkward being in that house.
It was a fantastic weekend, though! We we were in a vacation house in Diksmuide (a little West Flemish town pretty much in the middle of nowhere), and everybody was so incredibly friendly and welcoming. It was awesome but also made me kind of sad because I wasn't sure if I'd ever see any of them again. By Sunday I was dreading going back to Brasschaat, but there were decisions to be made, so back I went.
With only 4 1/2 months left on my visa, I didn't really like the idea of finding another family. It's tough to find positions for such a short time period, for one thing, but I also wasn't crazy about the idea of dealing with so much paperwork again. Most of all, though, I just didn't want to go through getting to know and getting comfortable with another family. Honestly, it's emotionally exhausting.
The idea of staying in Antwerp with no responsibilities (except for my Dutch class) was appealing, but also not really feasible. I would have had no income (not paying rent is nice but I still have to eat) and I would not have been able to get another job. Also turns out it probably wouldn't have been legal anyway. If I wanted to suddenly be here on holiday, rather than for work, I would have had to first go back to America.
That left one option. Up until this point I had considered going home an absolute last resort. Coming home after five months when I had meant to be gone for nine felt like failure, and I didn't want to have to explain to people over and over again that I was back so early because the family didn't want me anymore. But once it became clear that it was the most legal and financially sound course of action, I had to accept it.
I had come back from Diksmuide on Sunday, the 16th. On Monday it was decided that I would go home, and on Tuesday I packed everything and left the house to spend my last few weeks in Gent. I could probably have stayed in the house during that time, but who wants to hang around in a situation like that?
Since then things have gotten both better and worse.
BETTER
- It's a huge relief to be out of that awkward situation.
- It is kind of nice to not have any responsibilities right now.
- It was hard to ever really relax in that house. I guess that's what happens when you live where you work -- as long as you're home you're on duty.
- Living there felt very much like being a teenager again, except this time I was living with parents who didn't really know me. Very weird dynamic.
WORSE
- I got very very sick, almost immediately. A sore throat was developing the day I left and a few days after that I could no longer swallow without excruciating pain, and there were big white spots on the back of my throat. Plus fever, chills, sweats, body aches, etc. I thought it was strep and the doctor suspected mono, but because everything medical here is kind of a hassle (what with my American insurance and everything) and also really really weird, nothing was ever actually confirmed. In any case, I've been improving slowly but surely, and I can swallow with almost no pain at all now! It's great.
Overall, I'm sort of content with everything. It's disappointing that I have to leave Belgium so early (I fly home March 12th), but I will have had almost a whole month longer by the time I leave than if I'd gone home as soon as I left their house.
I'm probably going to have some seriously mixed feelings about being home, but I'm also excited about seeing everyone again and experiencing all of the things mentioned in my previous post. And as soon as the jet lag wears off, I'm going to Target. I'm just going to walk around the aisles and appreciate it.
